apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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