alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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