On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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