sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
