you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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