a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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