final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
