When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
