I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
