Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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