Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
