she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Randomize
