Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
being pregnant is like rehab
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
