is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
