dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
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I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
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Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
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