Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
