then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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