my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
