i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
