So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Green mimosas i think yes
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
