my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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