I don't think we should have started that trash fire
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
