And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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