Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
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