blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
