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sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
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