I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
