I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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