Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
