I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
