I've blown a few things in my day
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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