i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
