What did we do last night that was yellow?
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
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YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I AM VODKA MAN
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?