I just saw a hot homeless man
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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