just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I am available for nakedness
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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