If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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