I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
lets start a swedish sibling band together
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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