Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
