I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
