FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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