you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
