You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Randomize
