I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
