You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
