I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Randomize
