1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Randomize
