I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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