I didn't shave. On purpose
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
