Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
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