Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
