loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
You left your phone here
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