real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
