he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
