Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
