u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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