It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
