if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
