mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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