Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
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i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
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Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
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