Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Randomize
