I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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