My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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