oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Randomize
