that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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