A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
