Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
