Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize