I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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