Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Boobs speak an international language.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
