Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
