just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Randomize
