Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
