im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
